


caught in a dream field

by Anonymous



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Jonny-centric, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jonny tells Patrick he loves him, after four long years, and means it.(The Story of Jonny's life.)
Relationships: Jonathan Toews/Original Male Character(s), Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32
Collections: Anonymous





	caught in a dream field

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you guys know, this is very VERY Jonny-centric. If you came here for 1988, there is 1988, they do end up together(this is not a spoiler bc I will never write something where they don't end up ultimately choosing each other). But when I said “this was the story of Jonny’s life”, I meant it.

Jonny first meets Patrick on a Monday afternoon, all-flash and bold, nothing that Jonny can never match.

They don't get to play on a line together, and it is never fair.

Gone was that one-off tournament and Jonny never thinks of him again.

Jonny witnesses Patrick getting drafted first by the team who now owns his rights on a Tuesday afternoon. And Jonny thinks, maybe this time.

_Jonny's dad met his mum at 20 and got his mark at 25 that didn't match Andre's. They both took their time until they met their respective 'ones', and when they did, they did it together, a conclave that happened at a graveyard. Two people alive and the other two not. Jonny's parent's chests are still moving to this day. It's not that hard to guess who survived._

_With the obstacles buried deep on the ground, Andre and Bryan wed, a beautiful day, and a more beautiful night that conceived the most beautiful son._

"You're indeed the most beautiful," Patrick agrees, kissing Jonny deep that rivals the grave of his parent's fallen destined companions.

Patrick is 21 when he tells Jonny about his mark, showing an infinity sign right where his pulse would be, it was cliché, but so does everything that represents Jonny and Patrick. And clichés create the most alluring fairytales, arresting love stories that everybody loves and follows.

For Patrick and Jonny, the traditional romance completed itself when the day of Jonny's 23rd birthday, a lemniscate, he remembered his favourite teacher once called it, "Because that's what you call it in school, idiot," Patrick said, appears on the left of his biceps, where Patrick likes to kiss him. A habit that formed in the course of tough days and nights when Jonny would refuse to crouch down to kiss his shorter lover. Patrick, ever the adoring one, would coax his way into a peck on Jonny's upper arm. Loving and apologetic, crumbling down Jonny's thin walls and finally levelling down to allow Patrick to get the real thing.

Jonny starts seeing Pat in his dreams, once they are officially tied. In there, they'd dance, and they'd laugh, and they'd sing, and they'd kiss, and they'd fuck. And every morning, when Jonny will lift his head from being pillowed on Patrick's chest, where he is strong and firm, Jonny will tell him about his dreams, Patrick will always answer "same."

They still aren't on a line when they've finally won the cup together, Patrick five months shy of 25. Jonny can see the point this time. Somehow, it is the fairest thing ever.

The parties are loud and roaring. It complements Patrick so well. Jonny has always hated the noise if it isn't the crowd of a hockey game; if it isn't the laugh that comes out of Patrick due to the most mundane things; if it isn't the groans, and the growls and the moans that he elicits out of Patrick from Jonny's every bounce on his cock, passionate and hard, impaling himself on it over and over again.

But this time, Jonny can forgive, cause they've just won the cup. With his soulmate. With the person he loves the most. Surrounded by people Jonny also adores, celebrated by strangers who treasure them. Tonight, Jonny will let loose, get himself drunk from champagne, get himself embarrassed on the internet, get himself sick from the hangover.

Later that night, Jonny has fallen asleep on the floor in one of those bars, he dreams of Patrick and Lord Stanley. Someone is bound to take a picture of him and post it online. And when it happened, it was surprisingly not the most humiliating thing ever.

"Dude, nothing can ever beat Marchand and Seguin's bar tours and matching tattoos," Patrick soothes him the day the photo graced Deadspin's website. Jonny laughs at that, still burying his face on Patrick's neck. Although he has to agree, Marchand and Seguin were far more embarrassing.

The most humiliating day of Jonny's life comes on Patrick's 26th birthday. Jonny has long wanted to greet and hug and kiss and love Patrick that day. Excited is Jonny when he enters the apartment, setting the food he cooked himself on the counter.

"Pat? Babe?" he calls out. Jonny's yell is met with silence. Seconds later, he hears muffled noises coming out of Patrick's room. Jonny's heartbeat is fast and booming, heart thundering under his chest like it wants to crawl out of his body and leave Jonny breathless and unmoving. To spare him the hurt and the agony. Like it knows.

Jonny leaves Patrick's with still enough raging storms within that could destroy cities and everything they'd work for, but Jonny has always been kind, and calm, and the voice of reason. Patrick and his apartment were the only bystanders to witness the destruction Jonny's capable of. Oh, and the woman Jonny caught naked in Patrick's bed. How can Jonny ever forget, he huffs. _He would never ever forget._

-

Jonny meets Connor at a Chicago bar after a hard-fought game. Jonny isn't trying to pick up, wounds still uncured, even from the millions of sorries and flowers and foods and assists he received from Patrick. Funny how they were finally put on a line once things between them off the ice had fallen into decay. Jonny, having what when down, stayed professional as ever.

Connor leans into him like he doesn't care, whispering nonsense into Jonny's ears. Jonny pushes him off, not in the mood for it. But then he sees Patrick's gaze at them across the other side of the room, a grim look combined with a harsh stance, knuckles glowing white, bushy eyebrows furrowed and forehead creased.

Jonny wants to hurt someone tonight. So he wraps his arms around Connor, letting him suck into Jonny's neck, tilting his head up so everyone can see. So Patrick can see. It is vindictive and unwarranted. Something Jonny is not known for. But he killed two birds in one stone that night, he got fucked good, thus, ending his drought, and he wakes up to a voicemail of a crying Patrick, begging Jonny to take him back. _Rot in hell_ , he messaged him later.

Jonny finds Connor eating breakfast in his living room. Jonny's surprised. He'd thought he left. He gives Jonny a smile, "I ordered something?" he says sheepishly, still shirtless, offering Jonny a big breakfast plate. And well, Jonny has never said no to good food before.

Jonny finds himself calling Connor over and over again after that. Most of the times, they'd fuck, Jonny on his hands and knees getting taken from behind, or Connor on his back coming just from Jonny's cock. Sometimes, they'd talk about things, about each other's childhood, Jonny's soul mark but never his soulmate, "I'm not ready yet," Connor would nod and left it at that, offering his own tragic story of being one of the 'unlucky ones' and how he's always wanted to know what it feels like to be able to dream.

"It's not that special," Jonny assures him. They both know he's lying.

_In his dream that night, Patrick's at a party that Jonny's also at. It is uneasy and uncomfortable. Jonny wants to escape, curse the Gods for putting him in this position. Jonny doesn't feel lucky, he doesn't feel special, he wants that damn soul mark gone. Leave him be and tear down that pull that keeps Jonny and Patrick still intertwined even when they're physically and emotionally apart._

_Patrick's striding onto him. He wants to talk, Jonny can tell, just like in real life. Jonny's quick to dodge him, just like in real life. Patrick still yells his apologies, just like in real life. This time it's different. Connor is there for the first time, grinning at him...just like he would in real life. Jonny can't hear Patrick now and the sweet chant of 'Jonny Jonny’ filled the room, lulling Jonny to sleep, or so he thinks._

"Jonny!" Jonny's woken up by an enthusiastic cheer from Connor.

He's been staying at Jonny's for a while now. Jonny learns he is always a delight to come home to, providing Jonny with a friendship he had never expected from someone he met at a bar. Connor is supposed to just be a hook-up, but lately, Jonny's been craving more. He can't put a name on it yet, but he knows he wants Connor to never leave. That, at least, he can admit.

It's been six months since that fateful meeting, and Connor leaves him after sex for the first time. There is an ache in Jonny's chest. He wants to scream, ask for Connor to stay, make up excuses for him to never leave. Jonny doesn't do all of those things. Instead, he stays quiet, Connor kissing him goodbye, saying he's up to something and needs to head off immediately. Jonny gives him a tight-lipped smile, motioning for him to go. Jonny knows he'd come back, but something about seeing Connor fading away from his view leaves him in an unexplainable misery.

Jonny is woken up from a dream to a stream of kisses being smothered on his neck. Familiar lips bringing Jonny in a contented sigh, "I missed you," he says, "It hasn't even been a day," Connor laughs. And Jonny will continue to say stupid things again and again just to hear that sound.

Connor's skin is soft to the touch, Jonny only ever felt this feeling before with Patrick. He can get used to this, he really really can. Connor made love to him that night. They've been making love for weeks now, he just realised.

"How was the dream?" Connor asks him after, tightening his hold onto Jonny. "Great, you were in it," Jonny answers him. Jonny can't see his face in the dark, but he likes to think Connor's smiling. Jonny wishes Connor can dream too, but that would mean Connor having a soulmate, and Jonny is selfish. He's starting to want Connor all for himself nowadays.

_Jonny can't fucking dance, but the moves are slow enough for it to disguise a lousy sway of hips with romance. And romance it is because Connor is all he can see, all he wants to focus on. Jonny knows Patrick's in this room, too. But he's faded into the background, blurry and covered with fogs. "I think I'll be fine with him being here as long as there's you," he whispers into Connor's ear. Finally getting as far as somewhat of a confession. Within his dream is a dream: to have the courage to say this to Connor someday, while they're both awake, and aware._

"I don't dream about him anymore," says Jonny, a random burst of emotion. Of desire. To move on. To love. Again. "Yeah?" Connor strokes his cheek, gentle and tender, and Jonny never felt more loved. "He's still there…" Jonny kisses him, equally as soft as Connor's touch. "But he doesn't talk anymore."

"Maybe because you don't want him to."

"I don't."

The ninth month mark falls on a Wednesday. And Jonny remains a coward. Connor's leaving for a week to Denver. "I got lucky with my job, but I still need to spend Christmas with my family." Connor offers a bittersweet smile. ‘I want you to spend Christmas with my family’, is what Jonny wants to say. But he's still perplexed, never prepared for these kinds of things. "Don't come back then if you're gonna leave."

"You're being irrational," Connor sighs, rubbing his temples, calming himself and Jonny hopes to comfort him, ease away the hurt he caused. "What even are we?"

"I love you," Jonny cries. And he hides himself, cause he's always been good at that. "Look at me," Connor demands, trying to yank Jonny's hands away from his face. But Jonny has always been stronger than the two of them, Connor failed.

"Don't hate me." Jonny finally says something after a long quietness.

"How can I hate someone I love the most?"

Jonny looks into Connor's eyes and sees pure honesty. And he's so so so wrong, Jonny has the muscles and the firm thighs and the powerful stamina, but Connor will always be the strongest one. Because he took a chance and loved a broken soul that is Jonny. Cherished him when reciprocation was unguaranteed. Made a home into something where he can easily be banished. He's the bravest person Jonny has ever met. And he loves him. Jonny loves Connor. It's not the simplest fact in the world, but they'll make do. They made do.

Christmas of 2014 is a happy one.

Jonny continues to dance with Connor in his dreams, keeping every single little detail in his mind, so he can paint a pretty picture later when he wakes up and tells Connor the story. Some people frown upon them, calling it unnatural. But there's nothing unnatural in the way Connor presses on him at night, the burned foods in the morning because Connor can't fucking cook for the life of him, the way Jonny kisses him and he'll see sparks behind his eyes, the way Connor snickers whenever Jonny's grumpy, the way he'd make Jonny laugh after a tough loss. There's nothing unnatural to the way Connor makes him feel. So Jonny keeps loving, and loving, and loving, and loving him. It eventually becomes the easiest pill he ever had to swallow.

A gloomy and rainy Thursday weather accurately portrayed the state of Jonny's life. Connor is dead, gone and quickly passed like the gold of summer. Connor had so much to give. _Jonny had so much to give to him_. Jonny planned on showing him the world, the beauty of it that fitted Connor so perfectly. Connor deserved everything, and everything is not two years of a relationship with Jonny.

Patrick comes to the funeral, he hugs Jonny and offers his condolences. He seems sincere, and for that, Jonny respects him. They've talked, mainly about Connor, and it would've been nice if it wasn't for Connor being gone.

"I try not to intervene," Patrick says, referring to their shared dreams.

"Good," Jonny says, looking blankly at the light of the candle near a framed picture of Connor. They might have been broken up for three years now, but Patrick knows when not to bother him. So Patrick leaves him be, tears running down Jonny's cheeks, longing for someone he will never get back again.

It's a few days later when Jonny starts having dreams again, he dreaded the day they'd come, but when they did, they brought a gorgeous face. Connor's still in his dreams, it's one-sided, always has been. But it's something he can get by; a harmless coping mechanism. And when he tells anyone about it, they all think it's cool and even sweet. Getting visited by loved ones in your dreams was never a problem.

It starts being a problem, in Jonny's part, when that barrier of a mist between Patrick and him(and Connor) starts dwindling down. Sharpy says it was bound to happen, that Patrick's his soulmate and the spotlight of his subconscious would always focus back to him, "now that Connor no longer exists," Sharpy finishes explaining.

It's unfair, is what it is, Jonny wants it to be just the two of them. He sees Patrick almost every single day, and Connor only in his dreams that occur less and less frequently these days. It's wrong to see Patrick's face whenever he kisses Connor. One time, Jonny visioned the two of them in a curling tournament, in the crowd, Jonny uselessly teaching him how curling works, Connor pretending to listen. He'd looked at his right, and there was Patrick, albeit watching the game and not annoying them, _but still_ , he shouldn't have been there. That was his and Connor's moment. Patrick could fuck off.

By the 19th time it happens, Jonny has had enough. He fumes his way into the Breakfast Lounge. He sees Patrick talking to Cory, oblivious of Jonny's raging presence. Jonny takes advantage and slams him on the ground, immediately striking the part of Patrick's face where it would hurt the most. He does it over and over again, Patrick struggling underneath, face now starting to draw blood, and somebody's shouting Jonny's name, begging him to stop, trying to hold him back. But the fire in his heart is tough, an outcome of Connor's death, and Jonny evades their every grasp.

"Get out! GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY DREAMS," he says like a mantra. "It's the only thing I have with him, and you're ruining it."

"You've ruined everything for me," he spats poison at Patrick.

"Connor wouldn't have wanted you to do this!" Someone has said, he doesnt who it is, or where exactly the voice has come from. But as he looks down at Patrick's face, he sees a defeated man, face blown up and whispers of millions of sorries coming out from his ruptured lips. And Jonny says "sorry" too. Over and over again. He cradles Patrick in his arms, "I just want him back," he whispers into his hair. Patrick shouldn't have to say "It's okay. All is forgiven" Jonny sure as hell doesn't deserve it. But Patrick did say it, those exact same words. And Jonny breaks down again.

Five months went by, and Jonny is still missing and grieving Connor like he just lost him yesterday. "He was the love of your life. It'll take time." His mum had said to him one night. His parents are living with him now, doubtful of Jonny's capability of taking care of himself. The sad thing is, Jonny can't argue with that, there's not a day he's not a mess, not a day goes by without crying, and not a waking up from a dream without him breaking down "because Patrick just keeps appearing in it. It should've been just us." Jonny has always needed someone in life, a companion and a partner to take care of him. Connor had spoiled him, really.

"I killed him, didn't I?" he asks his dad one day. Bryan stills and freezes right in front of Jonny's eyes. _He did. Jonny killed Connor._ It's a reality he's long been trying to avoid.

"You didn't, Jon." His dad tries to reason, "you know it was an accident."

"And you know I'm not talking about that," Jonny cuts him off. "Connor's not my soulmate. I took my time with him. Just like you with mum."

"I didn't get so lucky, didn't I?" Jonny continues with tears in his eyes, voice cracking every now and then, "My soulmate's still out there, and I broke the rule. Didn't i? Dad?"

"You only chose to love him."

"A love that ultimately killed him?"

"I don't think it works that way. We have no evidence."

"But what if it does? What if my love killed him?"

_I killed Connor. I killed my Connor._ Jonny can't stop thinking. He thinks about it on the ice when he's supposed to win a face-off, crucial to get an assurance for a sure win. Jonny thinks about it whenever he’s in a crowded space, wishing Connor's next to him, putting a hand on the small of Jonny's back, guiding him out of the cramped mess to a place where Jonny can finally breathe. He thinks about it when he's alone, sitting on his bed, refusing to go to sleep, body so used to having Connor wrapped around him.

Ultimately, everyone has learnt about his guilt, including Patrick. And he starts visiting Jon every day, checking up on him, on how he's doing. Jonny finds it pleasant, but the too familiar care stings, reminding Jonny of what he lost.

Jonny realises Pat's not the same man he's left. Still a lover and charming as ever, but now with a hint of maturity and a walk that says 'I did a lot of growing up', and Jonny's never been more proud of him.

Jonny sleeps with Pat on a Friday night. Both tired and bodies spent up, Jonny barely went on his second round of crying for the day when he kissed Patrick out of pure and severe loneliness. Patrick asks him if he's sure, and he says yes. Patrick thrusts into him with careful and controlled vigour, keeping their chests close together, lips never leaving Jonny's. Jonny tears up inside because Patrick feels so good. Jonny doesn't deserve him one bit. Because as soon as he comes, a thousand weeps of Connor's name spill out of his lips. Patrick pulls out and pulls away from him, and suddenly, it's Patrick’s turn to cry now. Jonny feels bad. He really does.

"I'm sorry," Jonny means it.

"I know."

"You should go, Jon. Far from here. Heal yourself. Properly, this time," Patrick suggests, giving him an ever wistful look. "And for what's it worth, Connor was so lucky to be loved by you."

Jonny kisses Patrick one last time, there's something there, cause there will never be a day things between them would be really over. He never stopped loving Patrick, just simply built a hatred towards him, but he also started loving Connor, so much and so real and so natural. Jonny never stopped admiring Patrick, but he preferred to appreciate him in a distance, because he had Connor, whom he inclined to love at close quarters. Connor and him. Just the two of them. Those two years were filled with contentment, and he doesn't think he'll ever make peace with the fact that it was taken away from him.

-

Jonny quits hockey on a Saturday meeting with the Hawks. It went well than what he was expecting, they let him go easily, maybe he's been too much of a sad fuck lately that even his hockey goodness cant save him. The outside affairs freak out. He soon had to change his phone number, deactivate all of his social media accounts and stopped listening to the news.

He's back in Winnipeg now, where it all started, at his parent's home, in his childhood bedroom, on the same mattress he's had since he was a child. David moves back in, "My girlfriend and I just broke up, and I don't have someone to split the bill with," is what he says, but Jonny knows better. Has always known his baby brother. And for that, he's grateful.

Jonny wakes up to the sound of his mum and dad dancing and singing in the kitchen, and he sees the 'what could've beens' with Connor. The growing old part he'll never have with him. But he also sees the beauty of his parent's love, the love that defied conformity, and the love that brought him to this world. _The love that brought David into the world._

"Okay, I moved back in because I feel sorry for you and I love you, and I miss you. Would you stop guilt-tripping me now?" Jonny wouldn't have been able to hear those words if it weren't for that love. Wouldn't have been able to tackle David into the ground when he was 12, cursing him because that new game console was Jonny's and how dare he uses it. He wouldn't have been able to see David cry about it later, Jonny creeping into his room and saying sorry and learning how to share.

He spends more and more time with his family, it's not driving him crazy yet, "so I guess I'm staying here for a while," Jonny says to Patrick on the phone. This isn't the original plan, Patrick paid for his tickets, opened a bank account for Jonny to take money from for his expenses. Even though Jonny, clearly, doesn't need it as they were earning the same. He still remembers the conversation they've had before he went away.

_"If this is pity or worse, this is about you apologising again for cheating on me years ago then—"_

_"It's not," Patrick had cut him off. "This is me saying I love you, and I want you to be okay."_

_Jonny went silent when he heard those three words. He loved Patrick, too, but it's different, and they both know it. Patrick had given him a kind smile, "This isn't some grand plan for you to move on so you can learn to love me again. Connor will always be the love of your life. This is for you to accept the fact that he'll never come back again and for you to be okay with that."_

_"Move on from the hurt, Jon, not move on from him," Patrick continued. Jonny had never seen him so genuine than that moment. So he hugged Patrick and cried into his shoulders, promising him that he'll try his best._

_"And if you moved on and learned to love again, and if that someone is not me, that's okay, too," Patrick said, kissing his hair, "Besides, I know you'll always love me," Patrick laughed bitterly, "it's different, but I'll take what I can get."_

"Sorry about those tickets, I'll pay them back," Jonny offers before Patrick shuts him down. Assuring him that it's okay and that "when I said I wanted you to focus on your well-being only. I meant it."

"Thank you," he sighs. Shortly hanging up after, not really having anything much to say, and Patrick has always been good at taking a hint, so he said his goodbyes and sent off his 'take cares'.

Jonny creeps his way down the stairs to find his dad in the living room, watching TV. Bryan spots him and calls him out to join him. His mum also comes in, scolding Jon for his feet on the coffee table. He looks at his right when hears a snicker coming from David, pulling a funny face that says "you just got talked to while I didn't", and Jon would've been so pissed off if it wasn't so...comforting.

The stern voice of his mum giving him some sense of reality, the ever quiet demeanour of his dad signifies retirement of someone that has heard and experienced these commotions so many times before, the annoying presence of his brother that reminds him how things never really changed. Jonny's hit with a sudden onslaught of nostalgia, and he can't help but cry right in front of them.

He longs for his mum's touch and soothing words, and that's exactly what he got. Echos and murmurs of reassuring words dropped onto the top of his head, something that he never missed during those two years with Connor because Connor was so good at doing it for him. "Thank you, mum," he says once he's tucked into bed on that aged old mattress whose creaking has been on a high lately. Jonny thinks about buying a new one.

Jonny never got to buy a new one cause he came home from a fishing trip one day to a brand new mattress his parents bought for him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but he hugs them and says "thank you" all over again. Jonny feels like he's ten again, overjoyed over something brand new, finding the joy in the most little things. The bed is now big enough to fit two people, Jonny sometimes imagines him and Connor cuddled in this bed together, most of the time, he sleeps and looks up for another day on the lake with David. Jonny likes to think it's progress.

Jonny spills juice all over the counter, and it's not a new thing as he has always been clumsy, but a crinkled hand with a cloth in its grasp comes into view instead of a lite, smooth and pale one. The hand is not Connor's to pick up his mess, but it's his mum's and Jonny finds himself okay with that.

It is a bruising Sunday morning when Jonny forgets to wear protective boots and a hammer lands directly onto his barefoot. Jonny's too old to cry now over a mild physical pain, but he still calls out for his dad across the room. "Months without hockey really got you feeling your sensitivities again, huh?" laughs his dad as he carefully wraps Jon's foot with a bandage after a few minutes of icing it, patting it after. Jonny looks at his feet, and it's not as perfectly bound as Connor used to do it, but it's still secure enough to know that there's care behind it, and Jonny's perfectly okay with that.

Jonny laughs with his family and still loves Connor. Jonny enjoys catching the bigger fish and making David upset, and when it's time to go home, he finds himself still loving Connor. His mum makes the best sunny side up in the world, and it's never burned, and his mum has never set the fire alarm off even once, and Jonny still loves Connor. Connor never got to make Jonny a coffee so perfect that it'd come close to how Jonny's dad makes it, but Jonny still loved him despite that, and he still does.

Jonny leaves Winnipeg for the first time in a year, and it takes him back to the time when he was just a fifteen-year-old boy with his crying mum in tow sending him off to Shattuck.

Patrick meets him at the airport, and it takes him back to their first meeting on a Monday when they were 13. Jonny still loves Connor at 30. Jonny has also always loved Patrick, ever since that first time he fell for him at 13. It's confusing, and some people might not understand it, but he finds himself not caring as Patrick gathers him into his arms and whispers of 'Imiss yous' are shared.

Jonny falls asleep in his Chicago apartment for the first time in a year, and Connor's not in his dreams. And Jonny's okay with it.

Jonny continues to love Connor when he finds himself falling in love with Patrick again. And Patrick's okay with it.

It's been two years since Connor's death and Jonny still loves him.

It's been two years and a month since Connor's death when he kisses Patrick again, and this time, all he sees is Patrick. Jonny lets him come inside him, and Jonny screams Patrick's name only. Jonny tells Patrick he loves him, after four long years, and means it. Jonny's sure Connor, wherever he is, would be okay with it.

Jonny sells his place three years after Connor's death and moves in with Patrick. It was easy and meant to be, and Jonny has never been happier. Jonny kisses the inside of Patrick's wrist at night and feels like he's 21 again, seeing that mark for the first time and hoping it would match his.

Jonny can see himself living in a completely different life where Connor's alive. He's not so sure if he prefers it more than what he realistically has now, and Jonny knows he's glad he doesn't have to worry about it. But Jonny looks at what he has now and thinks about how that one year in Winnipeg turned him out fresh and feeling young again. And young is 23 when all he could think about was Patrick and how he wanted to be with him all the time. His soulmate, the person he loved the most, and the man of his and in his dreams.

And if this is really starting over again, and he's 25 again winning the cup with Patrick for the first time, then Jonny's perfectly fine with it.

**Author's Note:**

> The falling in love with Patrick all over again might’ve felt rushed, and I don’t know really know how to say this but it’s pretty intentional in some ways? I wanted Jonny to move on without the thought of Patrick, I hesitated about making him travel all around the world and see the beauty in it, but I made him stuck into good old Winterpeg. Cause Winnipeg might be boring but Jonny loves that place. There’s nothing really I can do than just “reset” him in a way, I guess? Make him “brand new”, just like that time when he didn’t meet Connor yet. Fresh into the world just like when he first met Patrick? I’m not really making that much sense but I hope someone would still find it in them to somehow like this fic and get where I’m coming from.


End file.
